Jesus Christ Dumped From Jury Pool For Disruption

A headline so good I couldn’t improve on it.

BIRMINGHAM, Ala. – Court officials say a Birmingham woman who changed her name to Jesus Christ didn’t live up to it when she reported for jury duty this week. The woman, previously named Dorothy Lola Killingworth, was sent to Judge Clyde Jones’s courtroom for a criminal case Monday.

First off, is anyone really surprised this comes from south of the Mason-Dixon line?

Second, what are the odds that someone named Killingworth changes their name to Jesus Christ?

I can’t make this shit up.

Court officials told The Birmingham News Tuesday that the 59-year-old was excused because she was disruptive and kept asking questions instead of answering them.

Disruptive how?  Turning water into wine?  Walking on water?  Parting the Red Sea?

Or was that Moses?

Don’t look at me.  I’m not baptized.   Most of my knowledge of religion comes from The Simpsons.  Until I started watching that show, I didn’t even know who Jebus Christ was.

Efforts to reach Christ for comment were unsuccessful.

That’s hardly news.  That’s been going on for 2,000 years.

Court administrator Sandra Turner said people there were shocked when the woman insisted her name was Jesus Christ and some potential jurors laughed out loud when her name was called.

Did she smite them?  It’s been ages since I’ve read about a good ol’ fashioned smiting.

But Turner said unlike some Jefferson County residents, Christ didn’t try to get out of jury duty and was “perfectly happy to serve.”

Really?  Something tells me if you’ve legally changed your name to Jesus Christ, your either batshit crazy or intentionally trying to get out of a lot of things like jury duty, the military, and civilization as we know it.

That’s almost as funny as that chick who served jury duty wearing her Starfleet uniform.

For those of you who didn’t get the Jebus reference, please, enjoy the following educational film and remember that all you need to know about life can be learned from The Simpsons and Seinfeld.

And possibly The Sopranos but that’s a conversation for another time.

Happiness Is Two Men In Metal Suits Beating the Crap Out of Each Other

First poster for Iron Man 2, which will feature the War Machine armor.  Yes, they are friends but rest assured there will be some contrivance to get them to fight each other before teaming up to defeat the bad guy.

It’s just the comic way.

Memo to Michael Bay:  This poster in itself already makes this movie a thousand times better than that piece of shit you called Transformers 2:  We Should Have Quit While We Were Ahead Making One Movie Based On A Fucking Toy.

Alternatively titled:  Transformers 2:  You Can Only Watch Megan Fox With Your Pants Around Your Ankles For So Long.

Too fucking cool although I’m a bit shaky yet on the casting of Mickey Rourke as Whiplash (i.e., da bad guy).  Robert Downey Jr. was perfect for Tony Stark because who better to play an alcoholic playboy than a recovering alcoholic playboy?

Likewise, Mickey Rourke was perfectly cast as an addict at the end of his career in The Wrestler because he is an addict at the end of his career.  He may have gotten a temporary career boost from that movie, but I don’t see it lasting very long.

Or his face, for that matter.  I don’t know what backwater Mexican motel ERRR hospital he had his grill done at, but I sure hope he got a free bottle of tequila with it.