ScarSmurf

Further proof that Hollywood has truly run out of fresh ideas.  I knew they were scraping the bottom of the barrel when they started making a ton of comic book movies after Spider-Man came out.  Not because there aren’t a handful of characters that are truly worthy of movie adaptions, but because they immediately started talking about making movies about characters that the general public doesn’t know about.

Now it’s the raping of our childhood cartoons.  Transformers.  G.I. Joe.  And now…

With a pop culture reference to Scarface, nonetheless.  Because we want a movie about a psychopathic drug kingpin to be tied to a kid’s movie.  Maybe Papa Smurf will bone Smurfette on shroom table full of blow, too.

FaceFucked

A man allegedly killed his girlfriend after becoming suspicious of her activity on Facebook, a court has heard.

“A court has heard?”

Is this an actual case or just judicial gossip?

Brian Lewis, 31, denies strangling his partner Hayley Jones to death at the home they shared with their four children in the town of Phillipstown, south Wales.

I’m glad they clarified that “strangling his partner” with “to death”.  Most victims of strangling immediately get up and sing a rousing rendition of HMS Pinafore.

Not to mention the fact they just told us in the first sentence she was killed.

The children found their mother’s lifeless body in the living room after Lewis fled the scene during the early hours of March 12, Cardiff Crown Court was told.

Once again, thanks for clarifying with “lifeless”.

Maybe I’m just more an adept reader than most, but when you tell me someone was killed in the first sentence of your story, I’ll tend to remember it.

The rest of the story is, no disrespect to the killed strangled to death lifeless body, rather boring.

I’m pretty much done with Facebook.  It was novel at first.  It seems like a great way to stay in touch with all your friends instantaneously.  Because we haven’t had a way to stay in touch with our friends that way through like some kind of…oh, I don’t know…electronic mail or something.

Once the novelty of seeing all your friends conglomerated into one area wears off, you realize that you don’t really need to hear random blurbs about their lives.  It’s great you’re sitting down with a bowl of popcorn to watch Desperate Housewives.  Or that you’re sitting in a restaurant with your husband apparently more interested in telling us that on your Blackberry than talking to him.  About the only thing hearing these inane and sometimes pointless insights into your daily life is that it makes me realize apparently my life isn’t so boring after all.

However, even that pales in comparison to the ancillary things on Facebook.  Mainly the sending of virtual drinks and flowers and this and that.  Again, novel at first until every time you log on you have 2,000 drinks waiting for you and 100 lost cows.

And now we have Twitter, because the gigantic empty white space of Facebook and MySpace was too hard to fill so we had to condense our thoughts down to 140 characters.  Now when I’m taking a shit, I can let the entire world know the color, texture, and consistency as long as I can fit it under 140 characters.  More importantly, Ashton Kutcher can let us all know what he’s doing at any given moment, which if it isn’t MOTORBOATING DEMI’S TITS, really doesn’t interest me.

So friends, please.  If you want to chat with me, send me an e-mail.  Give me a call.  Meet me at the bar for a drink.  If I need to express my own inane thoughts, I’ll do it here, thank you very much.