It’s funny because it’s true.

I’ve never heard of this guy but not only is the song hilarious, he does the best Sammy Davis Jr. impersonation since Billy Crystal.

Seriously. I don’t make this shit up.

Courtesy of CBS:

Former Tightrope Walker Hopes to Use Mission to International Space Station to Promote Universal Access to Clean Water

Well.  Who wouldn’t?

The Canadian billionaire who founded Cirque du Soleil wants to turn cosmonauts into clowns when he blasts into space this month.

You had to see this coming:

He said in a video conference Wednesday from Star City that he hopes to use his 12-day stay aboard the orbiting laboratory to promote universal access to clean water.

Sounds sort of noble…

Laliberte also said he plans to persuade fellow travelers to don red clown noses and is taking nine of them into orbit.

For someone who is completely batshit.

Laliberte paid $35 million for a seat on the Soyuz rocket, the same price as Charles Simonyi, the station’s previous guest.

Ummm…is it just me or for $35 million, instead of promoting clean water maybe you could just buy a shitload of bottled water for a lot of thirsty people?

Maybe you could invest that money into some kind of research to easily clean or desalinate ocean water?

Nooooooo.  Let’s go up to the space station because that’s where I’ll get the most attention for my cause.

Did half of you even know there was a space station up there?

My point exactly.

In other news, water is still wet and Ted Kennedy is still dead.

Courtesy of ABC:

Jon Gosselin Speaks Out

The Father of Eight Says He ‘Took a Lot of Abuse’ From Wife Kate

Talk about the last guy to know.  I literally saw about ten seconds of that show before I turned to my wife and said “She’s kind of a high maintenance bitch, isn’t she?”

“She’ll call me like, almost like a lame fish. Like I wasn’t going anywhere,” Gosselin told “Good Morning America’s” Chris Cuomo in his first television interview since the divorce papers were filed.

Unfortunately Jon, that insult has the virtue of being true.  The only thing you’re famous for is knocking up a woman with 8 kids.  Not much call for that in the job market.

Not many women willing to spread their legs for a guy with that potent of sperm, either.

Now the former stay-at-home dad is acting more like a playboy. He hosted a recent party in Las Vegas and went sailing this summer on a yacht in Saint Tropez with his girlfriend, Hailey Glassman, 22, who is the daughter of a plastic surgeon who performed Kate’s tummy tuck in 2006.

Since when did hosting a party make you a celebrity either?  Good Lord.  That’s as bad as that DJ AM that died.  The guy was a celebrity for being a DJ.  I thought that went out of vogue with Kasey Kasem and Rick Dees.

Banging the daughter of his plastic surgeon who did his soon to be ex-wife’s tummy tuck.

After eight kids I’m guessing her stomach wasn’t the only thing they had to tuck back into place.

Now the father of eight says he is fed up and ready to move on.

“I took a lot of abuse from her. I was put down,” Gosselin said.

Welcome to marriage.  Is there a guy out there who has never been put down by his wife?  Stand up to her.  For a guy who shot eight kids out, you have balls the size of mice turds.

I wouldn’t worry about her putting you down anymore.  Now you have the rest of the world putting you down.